I have inconsistently kept a journal for... 8 years or so. I started when I was sixteen, I guess. At least that's the date of the oldest entry I can find in the oldest journal I can remember. My sister gave me a journal, at some point, and I used that one for a long time. I actually, only recently, filled it up. And I jumped back to a journal that my Cousin had given me, a gift from Italy.
As I flip through the various pages, I'm struck at what I consistently wrote about. I always found myself writing in moments of confusion, anger, frustration, difficult moments. Moments of high emotionality, when I didn't understand what was happening to me. And I didn't understand the world. I also have many entries on the travels I've taken, my personal observations, things of that nature. And finally, I find myself writing about the things I've learned - often interwoven with the previous sorts of entries.
In trying to understand the world, I write. It's the only way that I can really figure things out, especially for myself. I often don't understand my own needs, feelings, and thoughts, until I've penned them down. And when I say penned, I mean penned - on paper, staining it with ink. The computer lacks something.
I forgot my journal this weekend. Well - I decided that I didn't really need it. So, in my haste, I left in Cambodia (packing last minute, as usual). I really wish that I could pull out a pen and start jotting things down in it right now. I've typed something up on my computer which I'll transcribe into it later, when I'm back in Cambodia, but it isn't quite the same. And I still don't quite understand what I'm trying to write about.
The other thing that I do is write letters. Some of you reading this may have received a letter from me at some point. I hope you'll forgive my handwriting. I like letters because I'm honest in them. Something about transcribing what I want to say to someone... It allows me to say things I wouldn't feel comfortable saying in person, to explain things that I couldn't find the words for in person. And I think it's so sad that letters are dying. That so very very few people write letters anymore.
I'm not sure if there's much more I want to write in this post now. Just that I wish I was writing in my journal instead.
As I flip through the various pages, I'm struck at what I consistently wrote about. I always found myself writing in moments of confusion, anger, frustration, difficult moments. Moments of high emotionality, when I didn't understand what was happening to me. And I didn't understand the world. I also have many entries on the travels I've taken, my personal observations, things of that nature. And finally, I find myself writing about the things I've learned - often interwoven with the previous sorts of entries.
In trying to understand the world, I write. It's the only way that I can really figure things out, especially for myself. I often don't understand my own needs, feelings, and thoughts, until I've penned them down. And when I say penned, I mean penned - on paper, staining it with ink. The computer lacks something.
I forgot my journal this weekend. Well - I decided that I didn't really need it. So, in my haste, I left in Cambodia (packing last minute, as usual). I really wish that I could pull out a pen and start jotting things down in it right now. I've typed something up on my computer which I'll transcribe into it later, when I'm back in Cambodia, but it isn't quite the same. And I still don't quite understand what I'm trying to write about.
The other thing that I do is write letters. Some of you reading this may have received a letter from me at some point. I hope you'll forgive my handwriting. I like letters because I'm honest in them. Something about transcribing what I want to say to someone... It allows me to say things I wouldn't feel comfortable saying in person, to explain things that I couldn't find the words for in person. And I think it's so sad that letters are dying. That so very very few people write letters anymore.
I'm not sure if there's much more I want to write in this post now. Just that I wish I was writing in my journal instead.
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